How do you communicate with others?

A few years ago, I was in a parent group for parents of teens with severe mental illness.  The group did so much for me on how to communicate with my child and with other people.  I was also doing one-on-ones with a wonderful therapist to delve into everything we learned. During the private therapy I was taught something that changed how I look at all of my communications,  P.A.C.E

P = Playful

Being Playful is not always about playing games and dancing.  It can be about how you see the world and how you see other people.  

Do you comminicate as if you were friends or allies, not adversaries?  If you start a conversation to attack, you can be sure that the other person will respond with their defenses up.

A = Acceptance

You don’t have to agree.  You can listen to someone’s opinion, not agree with it, and still have a civil conversation.  

All of our opinions are shaped by so many different things in our lives. We will never agree on everything. That doesn’t mean that what someone else thinks is wrong.  It’s their opinion, not yours and it doesn’t have to be.

Arguments come up when we try to make ourselves right instead of heard.  Or when the listener is formulating their answers instead of understanding.  

We can understand another point of view. This is so important in today’s racial and political climate.

I found this very important with my teen.  I can approach a conversation without expectations, putting him at ease. When he doesn’t fear any judgements from me, he opens up more, and I can find out what is really going on with him.

This can work in business too.  When you actually listen to a client, you can find out what their needs are. It puts you in a fantastic position of being able to know and fulfill those needs.

C= Curiosity

When we were children. We asked a lot of questions to get to know the world around us.  We were also probably told to stop asking so many.  

Bring back that child’s curiosity.  Ask why. Ask questions. Ask to get to the source of the issue.  

The best way to learn about a person or situation is to ask questions.  Then, listen to the answer without judgement. Just accept the answer.

E = Empathy/Validation

Building on acceptance and curiosity is empathy/validation.  

How many times have you spoken to someone and just know that they aren’t getting what you’re saying? 

Most people just want to be heard. 

It can be an amazing shift in a relationship to just listen with empathy.  Validate what they are saying.  

Conclusion

You can see where each of these points work with each other.  Listen with curiosity, accept what the other person is saying and reply with empathy, validating their opinions and voice.

You will find that people will open up more when they feel heard and validated. This works for co-workers, clients, and close relationships.  

When you regularly practice these things in conversation, you teach others how to communicate with you.  

I’ve created a quick video to help explain the concept of P.A.C.E.

If you’d like extra help or clarification, please don’t hesitate to connect with me for a FREE call